Application to be My Own Personal Abercrombie & Fitch Model
Disclaimer: due to the legal ramifications, I cannot have an actual real live A&F model at my disposal since apparently in doing so I would be committing a felony. So, all applicants must be over 18 years of age.
Name:
Age:
Height:
Weight:
Body fat %:
Do you have washboard abs?
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear
Do you look good in various states of undress?
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this?
If you answered “no” – why are you wasting my time?
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear?
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me?
How would you describe your ass?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Name: low and wide
Age: 50
Height: 5’10″
Weight: bench 200 lbs
Body fat %:
Do you have washboard abs? define washboard
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear: comfortable
Do you look good in various states of undress? Yes, my vision is good no matter what I’m wearing
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this?
If you answered “no” – why are you wasting my time?
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…) My answer would be D
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear? Something that breathes
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
If I knew where that was I’m sure it would be visible.
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me? Salsa dancing?
How would you describe your ass? Is that near my iliac?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Thank you for being a teacher!!
Name: Shorty
Age: Master’s
Height: Short
Weight: Unknown
Body Fat%; Last measurement 7%
Do you have washboard abs? In season
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear – medium
Do you look good in various states of undress?
You be the judge
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
I’ll pick “D” too
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear?
Washboard abs and running shorts
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
I can’t say anyone has every stated this to me…
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me?
Your concerned that it is a somewhat common injury in adolescents athletes to have fractues in this area?
How would you describe your ass?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above – depending on the day, any of the above – I’ll stay away from tight…..
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Run a 2:15 marathon, Win the Tour……
I give up, I’ll never meet your expectations
Who’s next to take a swing?
Name: Andy
Age: 38
Height: 5’10″
Weight: 150lb
Body fat %: 9%
Do you have washboard abs?
Mostly. They have been better in the past.
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear
Pants: size 28 waist. Shirts: medium.
Do you look good in various states of undress?
Hell Yeah! I have empirical evidence thereof.
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this?
If you answered “no” – why are you wasting my time?
Not applicable
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
Both (b) and (c).
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear?
Charcoal gray crew neck sweater (assuming the weather is cool enough), dark blue designer-fitted jeans, black Danskos. In short – you’d drool.
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
Yes. I have had independent verification of this.
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me?
My imagination is leading me to draw conclusions but I do not want to go into them here.
How would you describe your ass?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
I’ll let you be the judge of that.
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Lets see, how would I impress you? Let me count the ways …
I’ve been known to fly airplanes upside-down at 180mph about 100ft off the deck, pull in excess of 6G’s while maneuvering, all the while defying death. I could provide a demonstration of that.
I’ve crossed continental divides, skillfully carved my way through a racetrack at speeds in excess of 140mph while dragging body parts on the ground.
Oh, and I’ve been known to have a certain facility with words and recitations of soliloquys from certain authors. I can provide ongoing demonstrations thereof.
I’m morbidly obese, but i have a nice bike.
to impress you I would just have a strong understanding of your need to train and race, as such when you return home from said racing/training I would have your needs waiting for you.
Since you are a quite inteligent girl, I will assume you are not superficial and I will rely on my wit and charm to woo you. despte my short comings … pun intended I am painfully cute.
I am also a excellent bike mechanic, as such your bikes will always be running well, {if you ever choose to ride them again}
woman are like a watermelon seed hold them to tight they shoot right out of your grip, to loosely and they slip away.
hold them just right, and they are yours forever.
Name: Snicker
Age: old enough to know better, young enough to not give a fuck
Height: 1.75 M
Weight: 63.3 Kg
Body fat %: ~12
Do you have washboard abs?
Well used and somewhat non-defined, but a washboard none the less.
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear
Tight, tighter, and tightest (NOTE: No tighty whities, only Bold-print Bikini Briefs for this Buff Boy)
Do you look good in various states of undress?
Yes
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this?
Because I constantly hear people saying “what a piece of work!” when they see me.
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
D. Smooth, yet defined. Solid, yet supple.
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear?
‘Gates of Hell’ http://www.fetishtemple.com/cbt/index.html
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
Yes, Although partially obscured at side angle views due to highly developed gluteus maximus.
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me?
The primary point of interest in the prominence of the anterior superior iliac spine is a clear indication of the amount of thoracic fatty deposits, ergo the level of fitness in healthy individuals. Also, there is a correlation between foot length and pelvic skeletal structure according to Waikakul, Vanadurongwan, and Sakarnkosol in ” Relationship between foot length and the inter anterior superior iliac distance” (Department of Orthopaedic Surgery, Faculty of Medicine, Siriraj Hospital, Mahidol University, Bangkok, Thailand)
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T78-3X6JX59-5&_user=10&_coverDate=12%2F31%2F1998&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=231f38ed821e581b0c7a87070552da45
Therefore the secondary point of interest would be an objective assessment the mans’ feet before he takes his shoes off, and you know what they say about men with big feet…..
How would you describe your ass?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
E, baby, all they fucking way…….
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Quote poignant lyrics such as
” Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
You are the reason I stay alive” from Closer by NIN
“Skin to skin, tongue to oooh! Come on honey hold tight
Come inside, it’s a passion play just for you
Let’s get lost in that magic place all alone now
Drink your fill from my fountain of love, wet your lips” from Sex by Berlin
Then back it up.
Name: Chris
Age: 21 (almost illegal!)
Height: 5’7”
Weight: 140
Body fat %: 7 (I hate being the guinea pig for hydrostatic weighing). It fluxuates from 5-10 during the year. Think of it as cold-weather preparation.
Do you have washboard abs? I don’t wash clothes on my abs, but yes…they fit the definition.
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear
28w30i, Small, Small.
Do you look good in various states of undress?
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this?
If you answered “no” – why are you wasting my time?
All of my runs during the summer are in these ‘state’s. I assume since no ones hit me with a car in protest it’s not bad.
How would you describe your current physique:
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
A/C
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear?
Loads of smartwool.
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible?
Yep.
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me?
Yep.
How would you describe your ass?
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
Apple Tush.
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do?
Win a marathon…in an A+F shirt.
These kinds of posts create unhealthy body images. This can lead to weight loss and eating disorders, which leads to to lower body fat. Thanks for the motivation. “you can always be thinner-look better.” -American Pyscho.
Is this blog now sponsored by match.com, or something?
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves for submitting to this line of questioning. Don’t you know that we’re the ones who should be doing the objectifying?!?!
Consider your man licenses officially revoked.
Umm, what makes you think we’re not doing the objectifying?
And I’m a card-carrying lifetime member of the hot male club, granted in perpetuity, so my man license can’t be revoked
.
Hirschy-baby there are just way too freaking many people who are skinny in this country… way too many…
we got a problem with Fat..
for some effed up reason people think there is more danger in being skinny super low BMI than than being a big fat morbidly obese person…
i’d love to fill out an application but i’m in the too category:
too old,
too tall,
and
too married,
Perhaps a stupid question but how can one’s anterior superior iliac be obscured by one’s gluteus maximus?
Dude (michael), If I came on all f%&$ing sensitive and talked about pina coladas and walks in the rain, you’d have a valid claim to the responsibility of revoking my Man license. But saying ‘I’ve got rock hard abs, buns of steel, and I’m gonna f%*$ you like an animal’ hardly evokes a lack of Machismo. If anything, the misogyny in these responses (mine in particular) is worthy of Man Show reparte`. But, I’ll give you that watermelon seed analogies and use of the word ‘tushy’ will definitely result in suspension from “mantown”.
And now……Girls On Trampolines!!!!!!
“Perhaps a stupid question but how can one’s anterior superior iliac be obscured”
DOH! When one doesn’t know his ass from his elbow? Anterior…Posterior….my grade school latin fails me from time to time. Besides, I’m sure michael will agree that real men don’t speak latin.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Snickers, I dunno, you may have suggested misogynistic activities, but I’m not sure I see as much evidence of manliness in your application as that seen in my application, so you may have to have your man card suspended
.
With that, here are some further opportunities for you to fall short in your application:
Have you skied down 70 degree incline slopes and lived to tell the tale? Real men have.
Have you played with lions and walked away unscathed? Real men have.
Have you stared death in the face while hurtling earthwards at speeds in excess of 200mph? Real men have.
Have you stood face to face with a horde of rhinoceros and not flinched? Real men have.
Are you manly enough to admit that you can quote Latin? Real men are.
And yes, I’ve done all of those things and more …
Andy,
You really don’t want to get into some pansy-assed pissing contest with me over what your emasculated version of manliness is. And no, your video game exploits trips to the franklin zoo above do _not_ count for man points. Those count for cyber geek VR excuses of what you _think_ you life should be like. In reality you are more likely to resemble danny devito in ‘throw momma from the train” that Jason Bourne.
“Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.”
Fuck you you Fucking Fuck
I like ponies!
holy crap.
that’s all I’m sayin’.
Snickers,
You’re absolutely right – I am nothing like Jason Bourne at all – I’m far better looking than he is.
Concerning windswept crags and being left to perish thereupon, I’m not particularly interested in that, but I applaud your creativity. Typically I wind up skiing down said windswept crags. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Thank you for your compliment.
Oh, and regarding your request to have a pissing contest, I think I’ll politely decline: Brevior saltare cum deformibus viris est vita.
Name: Bubba
Age:42
Height: 6′
Weight:200
Body fat %: I eats good
Do you have washboard abs? I have a washboard and I have abs
clothing size – pants, shirts, underwear They only let us wears jumpsuits here
Do you look good in various states of undress?. I look good in Texas..just okay in Californi but damned respectable in Idaho
If you answered “yes” to the above question, how do you know this? Cletus told me so
If you answered “no” – why are you wasting my time?
How would you describe your current physique: I work out a whole bunch with what ever stuff they got here
a. Cut
b. Chiseled
c. Emaciated
e. none of the above (if you choose this you can just stop now…)
If you were going out on a date with me and wanted to look “hot”, what would you wear? Like I said they only let us were jumpsuits here. A date.. we don’t get to date, but we get what they call conjugle visits ( my spelling aint so good) once a month. else we got to take care of ouselves or have find some love in the yard
Is your anterior superior iliac spine prominent and visible? Heck, I hope not..that’s how you get your sh&*^ pushed in around here
Do you know why the prominence of said body part is important to me? Cuz you like it?
How would you describe your ass? CLetus says it’s real tight
a. small
b. firm
c. tight
d. sculpted
e. all of the above
Let’s say you want to impress me. What would you do? Break out of here and find you. I could make you real happy little thing
Mandy, pass the pop corn, this is what we are watching tonight.
soooooooooooo good. I was totally worried when KL got comments. now I see it was all for the best.
Oh and did you see in the papers that eating disorders are tied to DNA and genetics? Bummer. now I will never be thin
. And all this time I figured I was just lazy and gluttonous.
dude…I should totally post something like this on my blog…perhaps all my stalkers would wiggle out of the woodwork…
Brilliant.
I did a little surfing and found the follwing; it amused me.
Men display their dominance level (Alpha Maleness) in how they dress, by their body language and by establishing their territory. This is done unconsciously for three reasons:
To show that they are strong and are an Alpha Male.
To scare other males off and minimize competition.
To let the women see they are there ‘hunting’.
Instinctually for survival reasons, females seek a male who is healthy and strong so he can protect her and the offspring. Therefore women seek the Alpha Male type when available.
yup. it seems about right.
xo
m
I choose not to partake in this
I was wondering…do you have contact info for Bubba? I know a local cyclist who could use a romp with a good ol’ boy like that. Let’s play matchmaker!