Why I am Quitting Cycling
Recently, circumstances beyond my control forced me into a 5 week hiatus from cycling, leading me to make the decision to not renew my racing license this year.
And I am relieved.
For over 13 years, I devoted myself to pedaling a bicycle with a number pinned to my back, an activity for which there is no guaranteed financial reward, but requires a significant financial investment. I did so happily because at the time, being part of a community of like minded individuals was something that brought me joy, a place where I could pursue my personal goals while contributing to the goals of others; a place where I could develop friendships with people who shared my experiences and my interests.
Last year I finally agreed to join a local club that had been courting me for nearly two years. I had turned down previous offers for membership because the club lacked any women racers, and for me, being part of a team is what I find most enjoyable about this sport. The time I spent with Team Terry was the highlight of my cycling career. Despite posting very few personal results during my 3 years with the team, I found great satisfaction in helping my teammates dominate races, and I look back on those years fondly as a prime example of how a women’s cycling team can be well managed and successful. So when the local club announced that they were starting a women’s team, and would I be interested in joining, I jumped at the opportunity.
I was not seeking financial compensation or any other form of sponsorship, I simply wanted to be part of a team of other women, working towards a common goal. I made it clear to my teammates that my only goals for the season were to help them win, that I had no interest in targeting any races for myself. After participating in only 3 races, where I sacrificed my own results to ensure that my teammates reached the podium, my team captain sent a rather inflammatory email to the club directors and the team about her feelings towards myself as well as the other team members. She left no stone unturned, giving each of us our fair share of unwarranted criticism in what can only be compared to the temper tantrum of a typical two year old. When given an opportunity to apologize or rescind her comments, she chose to ignore any proverbial olive branches and instead made it clear that none of us mattered, that it was all about her. She needed entry fees paid for, she needed an equal share of prize money, she needed us to work for her. The rest of us were clearly only there to fill the roster.
A common criticism of women’s cycling is that too often, women race negatively, race against each other, even within their own team or club, because of invisible boundaries that exist in their social structures. How frequently do we see a group of women dressed in the same uniform, and yet within that group they actively work against each other, rather than as teammates? After receiving the email, I realized that there was no way I could continue to race as a member of this team, nor could I violate my own principles by showing up in the same uniform and racing against them. But more importantly, my desire to race was gone. I didn’t want to deprive myself of sleep and spending money so that I could give everything I had physically only to be met with a Monday Morning barrage of angry, poorly written, misspelled, grammatically incorrect emails from a person who was barely out of elementary school when I started racing.
I made excuses to myself and others for why I was no longer showing up – my cat was dying of cancer, wedding planning was taking all of my time, I was going to be in Europe for two weeks. The reality was, had I been dealing with any or all of those life conflicts a few years before, I would have figured out a way to make it work. In light of the attitude and behaviors of my current team captain, I did not have to try very hard to find an excuse not to race. So I simply stopped racing. After 13 years but only 3 races with the new team, I walked away.
I decided that if we are going to reward bad behavior and ignore loyalty and professionalism, if this is the direction that cycling is going, then I don’t want any part of it. There are numerous other activities and avenues that I will happily spend my money on. So as of today, I am no longer a licensed member of USA Cycling. I am no longer a dues paying member of any cycling club or team. I will continue to ride my bike, but I will not subject myself to the demands of the entitled, spoiled brats now infiltrating the sport.